Is he the one? How do you know? Finding a spouse can be intimidating. Some people throw caution to the wind and get married because they are in love. Other people date for years and are afraid to commit. But what a lot of people don't realize is that there is ONE thing to look for when seeking a husband. The reason I'm writing this post is because I have a few friends that aren't married yet, and they've asked me how I knew Marshal was "the one." I also have several friends and acquaintances my age or even younger that have already been divorced. I thought about it, talked to Marshal about it, and today I want to share with you my thoughts on the subject!
When we first met, I was 19 and he was 21.
When I was a freshman in college I had a pretty awesome job doing video production for the university and online courses. Some days I would be around campus or in the studio getting video footage, and other days my supervisor Matt and I would be in our shared cubicle editing at the computers. People would come and go chatting with Matt all the time. One day a young man came to talk with Matt about tech stuff. I glanced at him and noted his clean beard, tucked in polo and confident posture. This was not a typical scruffy, "probably wears sweatpants to class" college student. He was probably a full-time employee, married and settled. I continued working. Then I heard Matt say (something along the lines of), "Oh, Kolyssa, I should introduce you guys." I looked at the professional young man again. "This is Marshal, he works in IT. He's been running wires to install the wi-fi on campus." I politely shook his hand and couldn't help but notice his astonishingly light blue eyes. Then he left and I continued my work.
First impressions are a fun part of your story as a couple, but they don't actually mean a lot. It wasn't "love at first sight" for us. It took 3 months of getting to know him for me to think I might be in love with him. I was 19 years old, and I was so uncertain of what it meant to be in love. Before Marshal, I grew up in a loving Lutheran home and my parents always encouraged me that if I was going to date, it should be someone that puts God first. I only kind of listened, and I dated a couple guys that didn't put God first. I thought I could teach or inspire them to change. The fact that they didn't change was proof that they were not right for me. Ladies, believe it or not, there are men out there who do put God first in their lives. I know, because I married one!
What does it look like to put God first?
It's never going to be perfect, because everyone sins. But when you are looking for a man to marry, here are the signs that he is right for you:
- he attends church every week
- he is humble and repentant
- he handles your own repentance with grace and forgiveness
- he encourages you in your faith
- he has faith
You know if someone has faith, because faith bears fruit. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control" (Galatians 5:22).
We got married 2 years after we started dating!
Contrary to what society thinks, marriage is not just a legal agreement. This way of thinking is what allows divorce. No, marriage is something much bigger. God is in charge of marriage. And the reason that He allows a man and a woman to get married, the reason that they are a perfect fit for each other, is because He forgives them first. They share the same faith, the same forgiveness, the same Christ. "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate" (Mark 10:9). When you get married, it is an act of God that lasts forever. There is comfort in knowing that if you both put God first, you are both forgiven and that makes you a perfect fit for each other. Without a doubt, you are a perfect pair.
Beware Idolatry.
Idolatry presents itself in surprising and sometimes confusing ways. Idolatry can destroy a marriage. It is when you or your man stops putting God first. Anything can become an "idol." Work, hobbies, people, and feelings are all common examples of things we may start to "worship" by obsessing over them. If you would rather play video games than go to church on Sunday morning, then you have made video games your idol. In that way, video games may just have the power to destroy your marriage. Sounds a bit drastic, right? But it's true. The devil uses our earthly obsessions to take us farther and farther away from God. I'm not saying video games are evil, I'm saying, as with every earthly thing, to enjoy them in moderation. Keep yourself in check and talk to your man about keeping each other accountable. A great way to do this is to have a daily devotion together.
